Tuesday, April 25, 2006


How I spent my birthday: (4-22)

Slept in, then had a very late brunch at my favourite brunch place- La Note in Berkeley.
Usually I have an egg dish, this time I opted for the Nicoise Salad. Mic had a Toasted Brioche soaked in lavender and honey. Incredibly tasty.

Since it was Cal Day, that is open house for UC Berkeley- we checked out some Museums which as are not usually open to the public- I especially enjoyed the Museum of Vertebrate Zoology. I saw live reptiles and little mammals.

Later, we headed into San Francisco and had dinner, wandered around a bit then caught a Japanese film playing in the International Film Festival- The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai. Talk about a wacked out film- it straddles the genres of cutting political criticism (on American's Foreign Policy) and J soft-porn. Quite frankly, I'm squeamish about sex scenes (no good reason except I'm shy or something) so I was overloaded with all the sex scenes, which I knew about, but for some reason it didn't stick in my head when I chose to see the film. I guess I was more taken in by the crazy plot line and the political content. I don't regret seeing it, but I did claim afterwards, " I don't think I'll have sex again", which my boyfriend concurred and the man sitting next to him (which shared our contraband bottle of vodka) exclaimed: "I'm staying gay!"

Anyway- read the reviews- I can never explain this crazy film.


Passion paradoxically parallels detachment.

Thursday, April 20, 2006


"Even though almost everything that happens in this world provokes our anger and disgust, we are nevertheless more and more able to find it amusing. Life around us is arranged so as to be moved by absurd forces and tends unconsciously to satisfy its true needs." from Potlatch #20, 30 May 1955

A vernal sentence:

In spring, trees leaf into action.

In life, I would like to remember to take more exact notes. I would like to focus on a technique I call photonotes, that is, writing down accurately all the impressions and associations of a particular moment. I will utilize this practice when traveling.

Saturday, April 15, 2006


I have been here, at work, since 8 AM this Saturday morning. But soon I will return to my daily posts of delightful reading extractions, carefully manuf(r)actured sentences, weird word welds, and other ephemera.

In the meantime, read this blog and get mad about our (or lack of) foreign policy
Or, read this article and this article about more depressing global warming issues
Or read about a cool country I've been to
or look at this photo I took in this country

or read this little slip stream poem-

from reading Blanchot:

"obliberate the reader"
O liberate the reader
O literate reader
Illiterate reader
I lit the right leader...

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


"I sought, this time, to approach him. I mean I tried to make him understand that, although I was there, still I couldn't go any further, and that I, in turn, had exhausted my resources. The truth was that for a long time now I had felt I was at the end of my strength."
-Maurice Blanchot The One Who was Standing Apart from Me

Slip stream poems-

(poems which one takes a phrase, usually found during reading, consisting of three to seven words, and alters it word by word until possibilities are exhausted or that the "poet" gets bored.)

Here's the first experiment- from several years ago (from ca. 1996)

"alone in the womb"

You tear us
You tell us
I tell us
I say us
I say late ~r.

Another one tomorrow-

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


The story of 4/04/04, no memorable event happened that day- nothing I did was unusual. It was all about feeling, but it's hard to express that without sounding like some sort of nutjob, but I'll try…..

taken from an entry written that day:

"Today I am walking from CC's warehouse to the 16th St./Mission BART station, I had an amazing realization that everything is as it should be, that is everything is right at this moment. And this is the point for which I've been waiting to arrive. I felt an in credible happiness. Strange conversions have happened and have been revealed to me which have proven that this is true for this moment.

When I came home after feeling this awareness, feeling completely present to this moment's perfection, I had a message from Matthew ( a friend of K's and my former roommates, who he was trying to get a hold of) I called him back on the number he left, and had to leave another message. Then I called J- my ex-boyfriend and now friend, to tell him how happy I felt on this particular day. And to let him now how much I had appreciated the relationship we had, and that I would always love him, no matter where our lives went. During this conversation, Matthew had called me back; unaware I had left him a message. So I returned his call.

Matthew and I had a great conversation; we were of the same mindset on this day. We marveled at our concurrence, for he too had called his ex-girlfriend and had a similar conversation. (The only other time I had met Matthew was at a party, the night of the BIG TERRIBLE breakup with Aa- another story another time) We agreed that in the future, we should go smell flowers together. (I never spoke to Matthew since. I believe that sometimes people are markers- or bookends in one's life. Their arrival in your life is a beginning of something and their departure is a closing. There have been a few people that have played this role in my life- more on this later.)

So on this day I came to the extensive appreciation of all the events that preceded this day and contributed to what was this moment now. I felt an acceptance of my relationship with CC and acceptance of him. I decided to feel happy to just be with him and to let go of expectations from him and everyone else."

*** Funny after note- the next weekend I wrote: weekend of 4/11-
"As for this weekend with CC- he was irritable and moody. I cried a little- he tried to be nicer. I realized that as much as I feel for him, it will never be an easy relationship. He showed me some moments of tenderness, but in so many ways I an uncertain of how he feels about me. I guess it doesn't matter.

So now, 2 years later, how do I feel on 4/05/06?

I will always carry that day's joy within me. You can't make someone love you, but if they do, it’s the most amazing gift anyone can give you; nurture it and help it grow. Now, apart from work being too hectic, this will only last a few more weeks anyway; there are a number of things I look forward to doing and to feeling.

Thank you for your gift…..

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


"One who says atheology also says vacancy of the self – of the self whose vacancy is experienced in a consciousness that, since it is not in any way this self, is in itself its vacancy. " -Pierre Klossowski Of the Simulacrum in Georges Bataille's Communication

The above quote makes me laugh. If you start reading an essay, and that is the second line- watch out!!

another duodecimal poem:

use buildings
to magnify
horizontal space

If you really want to get depressed, as if thinking about global warming wasn't enough- visit my friend, David's site: http://www.well.com/~davidu/extinction.html

4/04/04- I remember very clearly; and I remember being very happy- one of those amazingly joyous days-

more later......