how the tides march by

This month's aspiration: to maintain intellectual refinement in the midst of brutal mundanity, i.e. try to stay smart while having to work at my paper-pushing job, which has been absorbing a lot of time, for the next month.

Example: for breakfast today I ate a half-eaten cinnamon roll, purchase and nibbled on yesterdy, heated for 15 sec. in the microwave , then slathered with organic peanut butter- in order to have a little healthy content. And a cup of coffee. This is not how one should conduct a life.

At least I have been spending some spare moments thinking about Language poetry, can't say if I've made any insightful progress--



Then there are the emotional things--

I think about all the things between us, left unsaid-and no way to say it.

What can I say? Hi, that must be a new coat, I have not seen it before, it looks good. In fact, you like you're doing well. Sorry I ran off, its very hard for me to have small talk with you, that was something we really never did, and quite frankly, whatever is or was between you and I, does not fit into small talk. And yet, I am unsure if you are willing to actually have a real conversation with me.

What could I say to you? I've been very intensely admiring and watching clouds; paying strict attention to their details and forms. I would like to look up at the sky and know what is each cloud, how high it is, what atmospheric conditions gave rise to it.
Or how I've been thinking about colors. How do colors get their names? I've even been conducting experiments to see how colors relate to each other.
I would tell you my life has been going quite well, except for work, which is busy. But that my friends seem to have been afflicted with emotionally trying times. Sometimes I'm lonely for you and I miss you; I wish we could understand each other, but I realize that people make their own choices of how to conduct their life and how to come to terms with their past. I cannot hope to really understand how you feel or what I ever meant to you, perhaps nothing, and that is why things are the way they are.
The thing about us never having a real interaction since that time,is that we crystallize ourselves into that moment. We will never know each other outside of that moment. That is too bad. I would liked to have known you, and have seen the changes that you were to become. As we all go through these transfomations in our altered internal landscapes. I guess this is something we will never know about each other. I would have my appreciation for what you brought to my life…..but well?